the wait....

it's getting to me. I won't lie! Seriously, I want my baby home NOW! I have been an emotional wreck this week. These last two weeks I have been cleaning her clothes, organizing her closet and dresser, filling them with cute baby clothes, picking out what I am packing for her, putting her room together, making cute letters to hang on the walls, watching my email like a hawk for our EP approval and I am tired of waiting. Yes, I know the Lord has a perfect timing for her to come home to us. I have been praying alot. But I am tired of waiting. Honestly, I feel like a piece of me is missing, a piece of my family. I ache to hold her.

A family just got travel call today and is heading to Korea on Tuesday. They are going to see Lennox and hold her and love on her and take some pictures of her for us. So many mixed emotions are rushing through me about this. I am so excited that someone will be doing this for us and so sweet and generous of them to take the time during their trip to love on our daughter while they are there. But I won't lie, I am jealous that someone will love on her before me. Someone will get to breath in her sweet baby smell, interact with her, and take pictures of her before me. And that sucks!!! I want it to be me!!!

This adoption journey is not for the light hearted and no one fully understands the emotions I am feeling, the ache, the anxiety, the patience I strive to keep except others who are walking this journey also. It is like watching your baby through a window and not being able to touch her for 4 months. Just longing for the moment that someone on the other end will call and say you can hold her now. It hurts.

I will get through this but only with the hope and grace of God, He gives me peace knowing His timing is perfect and He will unite us when the time is right. I rest in His assurance.

But the wait is getting to me.