Who is my Lennox?

This baby girl has changed my life, she has captivated my heart and I feel an overflowing abundance from my Lord who has given her to me. God is in my ever presence these last couple of weeks. He has given me such peace, love, confidence, joy, and reassurance. Here is why...

From the beginning, Studly and I chose to adopt a baby from the waiting child program. In other words, a baby with special needs. Baby Lennox, has a very specific special need. I have not really shared this part of her and I contemplated heavily on whether to ever share this with the outside world via blog, facebook, other forums. My daughter is perfect in my eyes and God's. I did not want to label my daughter as special needs or introduce her as "here is Lennox and by the way she is.....!" However, over the course of these last couple of weeks I realized the impact of what God is doing in our lives. How He "showed up" in the week during our decision on whether to adopt her. His presence was calm, loving, secure, reassured; nonetheless, He was bold, banging at the door, loud and clear telling us "yes she is our daughter" I want to share Lennox's story, not because I want everyone to know her diagnosis but because I want everyone to know our Lord. To know how He works through us, is ever so present in our everyday decisions, and how He is faithful.

I am going to try and start at the beginning, from the day of the phone call. Our social worker went briefly over her file with me over the phone. We knew her diagnosis and were open to looking at her file. The file came to us via email. In the file was two pictures, two well baby checks, birth history on birth mother/father and on her. Then there were many other files on specific tests, diagnosis, and procedures that have been done in her short five months of life. Before we opened her file, Studly and I came together in prayer. Prayer that God would be apart of this decision with us, that His will be done, and that we would do what He wants from us. To be present with us as we make this decision and to be with this baby whether we adopt her or not. Then we opened the file. Of course, we looked at her picture first and we both just felt like she was our daughter instantly. As we began to look through her files, it became apparent that she has a long term diagnosis that will be apart of her life and ours for the rest of her life. This is not fixed with time or surgery or a diagnosis from just her birth. This is a lifelong diagnosis.

As we began to read about the tests and how she is developing we were very open to her diagnosis. To us it did not seem bad however there was some tests that I did not know how to read. I did understand how she was developing and was aware of her delays. That evening we felt like we were ready to adopt her. We were almost like, why should we even have an International Adoption Physician look at her file. Yet we wanted to be clear on everything and know everything before we made the decision. We sent her file that night via email to a IAP (international adoption physician)

The next day, I received the phone call from the IAP. She began to review her history with me, like background story of birth mom and birth history of Lennox. I understood all of that information. Then she, the IAP, began to discuss Lennox's current diagnosis, which is her lifelong diagnosis. On June 24th, Lennox just a couple months old, had a hearing test. According to that hearing test she was diagnosis with severe to profound hearing loss. The test concluded that she could hear at 90 decibels which is loud traffic noise. The IAP further went into the diagnosis and explained the Lennox has was is called sensorineural hearing loss. The IAP explained to me that with that type of hearing loss, Lennox would be a signing only, completely deaf child. She would not be a candidate for Cochlear Implants because of the type of hearing loss that she has. Immediately, I was taken back, I did not think her hearing loss was that bad. Studly and I, the night before, did not consider her hearing loss to be as profound. So with that information, I called Studly immediately to tell him the news. We were scared and shocked and unsure if we could take on this type of responsibility. First, we would all have to learn sign language, taking courses, and integrate it into our lives. Second, according to the IAP, Lennox will have to go to a school that she could learn and thrive and who have the necessary resources for her. The problem with that is we are thinking about homeschooling our children. Homeschooling the two boys and not her was something we really needed to think about. Third, with our mixed family, we are extremely busy, taking the kids to their other parents in another town, juggling sports and holidays, etc. Life is hectic for us and we did not know if that would be fair to Lennox as she would need a lot of therapy and tests in her future. This was all rushing through our heads and we did not know what to do with all the information and decisions that we needed to make. However, God knew, He knew what we were suppose to do. Even before we decided to follow God and adopt a baby. God knew who our daughter would be.

The day we got the call, I began to talk to a friend through email that I have never met IRL. We met through our adoption forum and have talk several times in the past. The day of the referral I emailed her telling her we had our daughter. She was elated and we spoke back and forth about how exciting it was. She has received her referral just months before and we had discussed her daughters history because she was a waiting child also. After we received to report from the IAP, I emailed my friend telling her I was devastated and didn't know if we should adopt her. That night I asked my friend to call me so we could talk on the phone. We had never talked on the phone before and she is the first person I have ever had contact with in this way that I met on the internet. She is an amazing woman of faith and I wanted to confide in her about what was happening.

While on the phone, these words that she spoke stood out to me and I know they were the words God had placed on her heart and wanted to share with me. She said, "God will close the door if you are not suppose to adopt this baby. He knows and you have to give it all to Him" My response to her was this. "I know all of this but I just don't see how He is going to reveal the answer to me. I just have to have faith"

That night after hanging up the phone with her, I had peace in my heart for the first time that day since I got the report back from the IAP. I was calm and I felt His presence at that very moment. I went to Studly and told him I wanted to pray.

Also, that night I decided to email a mother of a blog that I used to follow frequently yet hadn't for the last couple of months. When I first started following her blog, I was intrigued by this mother and by her infant. The blog is, Profoundly Seth, and I knew this little boy had profound hearing loss and received cochlear implants to help with his hearing and language. She is the only mother I knew with a child with severe hearing loss and I wanted to get her perspective on life with a deaf child. So, I decided to email El and asked her a million questions! She responded so quickly and she immediately gave me some information that was shocking to me. According to her, she believed that sensorineural hearing loss are perfect candidates for Cochlear Implants. As long as Lennox's 8th nerve was intact in her brain, then she would be a candidate. I was surprised, just hours ago, according to the IAP, she would not be a candidate for cochlear implants because of her sensorineural hearing loss. Who knew months ago when I started following this blog that it would be so important to me now. Just another sign that God has purpose for us and I was suppose to follow that blog. So, I began to research online that night.


The next day, I was schedule to work, I woke up with a 102 temperature but I hadn't called into work and it was to late to call in by the time I took my temperature. So I decided to head into work anyway. While at work I began to feel worse and told the charge nurse that I thought I needed to head home. Blessing in disguise right there. While on my way home I thought I would call our social worker from our agency to talk to her about the referral. In the back of my mind, I really just wanted her to say "It is okay to decline the file we completely understand." I wanted someone to almost make the decision for me and to tell me it was okay to say no to this baby. So while driving home, which is a 35minute drive, I dialed the number to our agency. I dialed four time over a twenty minute period and every time I received a busy tone. Not once have I ever received a busy tone to our agencies number.

Once I got home, I took some Tylenol and decided to start calling around to Audiologist here in town. First I called our Children's Hospital ,that I work for and talked to our audiologist. I sent her Lennox's file and she got back with me within a couple of hours. According to this Audiologist, Lennox would be a candidate for cochlear implants. She gave me a number of a Pediatric Audiologist who does the surgery and highly recommended her to me.

So, I made the call to that Audiologist. She was amazingly sweet and knowledgeable and willing to look at her file. It was towards the end of the day and she said she would hopefully get back with me the next day.

With all this new information, I began to think, maybe we should call our agency and ask for them to do an MRI and check to see if her 8th nerve is intact. I knew from a previous referral that someone asked for an MRI and it took two months to receive the results. This family waiting patiently for the MRI results before they accepted the referral. In the back of my mind, I did not want to wait that long but I thought maybe we should. So, I dialed our agency number and again, busy tone! I thought maybe I have the wrong number, maybe something was wrong with their number. So, I just decided against it.

That night, I quietly went to my room, went into our closet, and closed the door. I knelt down in complete darkness and began to beg God to reveal his Will to me. To make it clear to us whether we are to adopt this baby. In this life, Studly and I's main purpose is to follow Him, to do what He desires for us and I was scared that we were going to make the wrong decision. That night in my closet, I could hear God speaking. I felt his love, his calmness, him telling me it is okay. That she was my daughter. I got up walked out of my closet with a huge smile on my face. I went to Studly and said I think we are suppose to adopt her. He responded. "Me too!"

The next day, I received the report from the Audiologist. Here is what she wrote in an email back to me.

Hi Summer-

Thanks for sending all of that great information. It looks as though the ABR equipment that they used is rather old, and the response they think may have been there at 90 dB is a little "iffy" to me. My feeling is that most likely we will want to repeat the ABR, as well as try to do behavioral hearing testing in the sound booth. Also, they report that she startles to loud sounds and seems to respond to a bell at the 4 month visit. Those responses are not consistent with severe to profound sensorineural hearing loss.

Regardless of what degree the hearing loss is, I would recommend having her fit with hearing aids as soon as possible upon her arrival here in the US. And starting INfant Toddler speech language therapy visits immediately as well. She will need to have an MRI most likely to confirm that she actually has auditory nerves.

I hope this helps.

I was ecstatic! I couldn't believe what I was reading. This is completely different than what I got from the IAP just days before. She may not even have severe to profound hearing loss. Immediately I knew she was to be our daughter. I went to Studly and told him the news. He was ready to say "YES!"

So, I called our social worker at our agency and guess what, it went straight through, no busy tone, nothing. The first time in two days that I tried to call our agency and the moment we were ready to say "Yes" there was no busy tone. Once again, another reassurance that God was in control. God opened and close the doors we needed to get the answer we wanted.

Today, as we fall more in love with our daughter, we are okay with her diagnosis. We are okay with learning sign language if we have too. It is amazing how our hearts and minds can change when we open our lives to God. This baby girl has given me so much, she has given me faith in our Lord beyond understanding.

So, as I sit here today...

My eyes long to stare into her beauiful face

My arms ache to hold her

My lips yearn to kiss those cheeks

My ears desire to hear her cry

I want to breathe in the essence of her smell as we snuggle

My heart is full of love for her.

And I can't wait to have her home.

New blog address and name

It is late and I have to work early in the morning. So, this is a brief update. I hope this works, I totally just figured it out on my own tonight. My blog address has changed to www.sunnymama.net and my blog name has changed also. I am not completely set on the blog name so we will see what happens. I just did all this on a total whim tonight. I have been wanting to do it for a long time now and just did not know how to. My Studly helped me by getting a new domain name and I took it from there. I am hoping to update my blog header soon. I wanted to make the change so that our last name was not a part of our blog any longer. I feel as though I need to protect ourselves.
Please let me know if you are a follower and if this is working for you. So leave a comment and say Yes I got to your new blog through blogger! Thank you and I pray this is working!

Lennox at 5 1/2 months

OH MY GOSH. She is absolutely beautiful. Wow this is going to make the wait even harder! But I am so excited to get these precious pictures of her!

Acceptance

We have signed, dated, fill in blank spaces, notarized, written a large check, double checked everything, organized, stressed, celebrated, rejoiced, prayed, overlooked, copied, sealed, and mailed our acceptance paperwork.



It is one step closer to my baby.

For our acceptance paperwork we needed all our last years taxes, birth certificates, marriage license, W2s, and lots of copies. We had to get several forms notarized. Then we sent some forms to our local branch agency and sent the majority of them back to our main branch in Oregan.

Next we wait on our legals. The legals come from Korea. Once we get our unpatient patient little hands on them, then we send them to our USCIS along with our I600 form. This form is to petition to our USCIS that Lennox is an orphan and we are going to adopt her. We wait for them to approve it and send it back to Korea. I am slightly nervous about this process because just this week they changed the process of this form. In the past we sent our I600 to our local USCIS. However, now we send them to Texas to begin the process. Then Texas sends them to our local USCIS. We are praying for a speedy acceptance from our USCIS.

Lennox should have had a well baby check this week or the week before. It normally takes a little while until Korea sends them over to us to have. I am praying for a good report and for some updated pictures of our baby girl. She will be six months old on Friday! The only pictures we have of her are newborn. She has probably changed so much in six months and I just want to see those beautiful changes that I am missing of her precious life right now. She is being well taken care of by a wonderful family in Korea and we are so grateful for that family who is caring and loving on her daily for us.

We are putting together a care package for our Lennox right now and I will show pictures of her goodies soon. I am making her something and I will be sharing what it is along with some other surprises.

Your going to enjoy my surprise!

The Call

For four months exactly, I wondered about the call. I thought about it daily. I had experienced it once before, however, I still wondered what the call would be like. Daily, when the phone rang, I jumped, heart pumping faster, my palms sweaty, thoughts flashing through my mind like lightning, looking at the caller ID wondering if this could be the call. Two months had past since the last call and every day I wondered when it would happen again.


It was Monday October 12th....Con was at school, Hutter was coming down with an awful flu and it was the beginning of the week. My routine was like any other day, being a mommy, get laundry done, taking care of my sick baby, and thinking about the adoption, however, it was not just any other day. That day mark four months of officially waiting for the call. Four months ago, to the date, our homestudy was completed stating we were officially approved. It was a special day, I loved the 12th of each month since June. I love knowing that we had another month behind us and we were just another month closer to finding out who she was. I marked it on my calendar, tried posting on my blog about it, and thought a little bit more about the call on the 12th of each month.


Monday October 12th was Columbus Day. Which I had no idea it was, I really don't keep up with national holidays like Columbus Day. The only reason I knew it was Columbus Day was because on an adoption forum another adoptive mother stated that it was and was wondering if adoption agencies were open today. Most adoption agency were closed for the holiday from what I gathered. Of course, its Columbus Day, businesses should be closed, right? On this same adoption forum, I had noticed there was not many referrals for the month of October. Normally, this forum has at least 3-4 referrals by the middle of the month and for October there had only been one. Now, I normally do not post a topic on this forum but today I did. That day, I decided to post a topic questioning the lack of referrals for the month and that we had been waiting exactly four months.


Here is what I stated "Where is all the October referrals? We are almost half way through this month and I haven't see hardly any referrals! We have been waiting 4 months officially today. I wonder how many more? "


The day past on, the afternoon was gone, and it was moving into our usually Monday night routine since football season started. Monday nights are just a little crazy. Studly gets home around 5, I try to have dinner on the table and we sit down to eat. We eat, clean up, shove Con into his football gear, grab him a drink and his helmet and we rush out the door to get to practice by 6pm. I was taking him that night because it was going to be the last time I get to watch him for the season. I worked his last game and I was feeling guilty for it. I was going to go watch him during his practice for the last time.


It was 5:45pm and Con and I were trying to get him ready for football. Those darn cleats will not go onto his feet. They are the death of me. Studly came to the doorway the phone up to his ear. He looked at me with intensity in his eyes, showing that there was purpose to the call but calmness in his voice. He had a phone but it did not register to me that it was my phone. My mind was flustered with the time frame in which we had to get Con to football practice. I went over to Studly because I could see that he was not just talking to his buddy on the phone. He was using his professional voice. He placed the phone slight under his chin so he could whisper something to me. I did not catch what he said the first time. He stated it again but with more pronunciation. I caught it that time. I jumped, my heart began to pump faster, palms beginning to sweat with a thousand thoughts flashing through my mind like lightning. I was anxious, nervous, excited, stunned, frantic, and clueless as to why she would be calling now. Isn't it Columbus day? Isn't it almost 6 o' clock at night? What? Studly, still on the phone, explained "I am going to let you talk to my wife because she understands that kind of stuff better than I do."


I whisked the phone away from him and it was our SW from our agency. She stated," I have a file of a little girl I would like to tell you about."


"Uh, okay" I stated puzzled.


She told me about the baby and I stated, "Yes we would love to look at her file"


She said she would send all the information to our email now so we can begin to look over the file.

So, I hung up the phone, rushed Con to football practice, which we were obviously late getting too. I explained to Con that I would be right back and that I needed to go do something first. He questioned me and gave me the saddest puppy face ever. He knew this was going to be the last time I would be able to watch him play football. I promised him I would be right back as soon as I finished what I needed to do.

I rushed home. Studly was waiting for me and we sat down together with the computer. I opened my email account and waited the longest few seconds of my life until I saw the email arrive. Before we opened it, Studly and I said a prayer. We opened the file and there she was.

*Beautiful*

*petite*

*button nose*

*round face*

*poochy lips with a little milk residue left behind*

*gorgeous olive skin with dark silky hair sticky slightly up*

*my daughter*

*absolutely perfect*

loved more than she knows......but she will soon find out!

Thirty minutes later I was back at football practice. But a changed mommy, I had my daughter.

*****Referral******

*********Introducing*********

My beautiful daughter

Lennox Shyla Yujin

Born April 30th

weighing 5lbs 7oz

We are so in love and can't wait to bring her home!

More details to come....

*today*

We are so *sick*

and *tired*

feeling a little *aching* and *feverish*

got the *blues*

*head spinning*

waiting four months for our baby sister

sneak peak and tattoos

I had mentioned dressing up this old dresser for our Baby L.....here is a sneak peak



Just a little taste, smell, hint, of what I got so far

And I am loving it!

.....to be continued




Now, tattoos.

I am not particularly fawned of tattoos. Don't have a tattoo, don't ever plan on getting one. (But that is just me!)

However, I do love tattooing. The art of it is inspiring.



I mean, I love cutting out the little cars, trophies, and dinosaurs. Placing it where the boy's mind thinks is the best place for such a cool tattoo. Grabbing a cold wet washcloth and saturating the paper so that the little temporary tattoo can be displayed.

After one is complete, I get "More Mama" from their squealing excited voices.
Yes, I love being a mother to these boys. It brings me such joy to be tattooing my sons.





You didn't think I actually knew how to tattoo.

Orphan Sunday

Will you care?
Will you be the hands of Jesus?
Will you pray?

For them....

Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

grazing

We all have heard of the saying, eat 5-6 small meals a day. We all know that we need to eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grain. We all know that we need to exercise regularly. We all desire to live healthy. Healthy living including our food and exercise is fuel for our body, keeps our immune system activated, helps regulate and maintain a good digestive system, gives us energy, and can prevent many chronic illnesses and cancers.

We all know this, but we all do not practice this.

The busyness of everyday life....
rushing kids around, trying to be the best mother, keeping our house clean, teaching our children, working, sports schedules, stress, financial struggles, building our relationship with God, toilet training two year olds, disciplining, keeping our husbands happy, and just life....

all keeps us from taking care of ourselves

I think, as a mother, we forget about how important it is to take care of us. The food we eat today; impacts our life span, our energy, how often we get sick, how our children will eat in the future by our example, and how we feel internally.

I have implemented a new way of how we eat. How my children eat. And I want to share it.

It is called grazing,

Children are busy and hungry. I don't know about you but constantly I get "Mama, snuck!" "Mama, eat!" Hutter is constantly eating which means I am constantly in the kitchen trying to find something for him to snack on. Fruit snack, goldfish, cereal bars, and crackers were taking over my house because it was easy to grab and to satisfy the busy two year old.

We are busy and not always hungry at the same time as our children. Which means then we snack at a different time and are grabbing unhealthy snack choices.

I felt like I was living in the kitchen and constantly cleaning the kitchen.

Which means, we were not getting the daily recommended amounts of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.

Children love choices, they love ownership, they love food.

Here is my way of encouraging healthy eating for myself and my children.





Every morning while making breakfast I prepare this special tray. Hutter gets super excited about "Hutters spesal tray" I use a muffin pan and fill it with healthy choices to fuel our bodies for the day.



I leave it on the table all morning. He will sit down take a few apple slices, eat his hard boiled egg and then get down and play. About 30-40 minutes later he is back looking to see what he wants to eat next. He grazes and enjoys nourishing himself with healthy choices.



Then during lunch I simply add a sandwich. Place cottage cheese or apple sauce to one of the empty muffin slots and he continue to eat from his "spesal tray." Whenever we are playing outside, leave the house, or during nap time I place the tray in the frig to keep it fresh and cool.

It also saves on dishes. I don't get another plate for lunch or a bowl for his goldfish or have wrappers laying around from his fruit snacks.

I also eat from this tray. Hutter shares with me and we both graze throughout the day. Which makes us eat 5-6 small meals a day.

My children never would eat baby carrots. So, I decided to use my peeler and slice the carrot to make small slivers of carrots.



They would not eat hummus and veggies. But now they do! It is amazing to me.

It saves money too. We actually eat the fruit and vegetables that are in the frig before they go bad and are thrown away.

So, here is a list of items that I place in the tray...

(local farm raised)hard boiled egg
(organic) veggies of all sorts
(organic) fruits of all sorts
sliced almonds or any kind of nut
dried cranberries
raisins
low fat ranch dressing for dipping
hummus
cheese slices
small pieces of lunch meat
sometimes pretzels
sometimes I add chocolate chips to the almonds and nuts

Grazing is amazing! Enjoy!