I just don't

My heart is heavy right now and I am just trying to stay a float, positive. God is working in me and I am needing every breath from Him. I sit in the darkest of my closet daily, meditating on Him. Asking Him to just be with me. I have so much to say, so much to write that I just don't.

I am living like I am dying though. Because you know I am, just like the rest of us. Each day is a blessing from God. My minutes are spent with my family and I am relishing every moment.



The boys giving to their neighbors. Conlan continues to give to the surrounding neighbors. Love his Godly heart.



He is actually starting to enjoy his baby sister



she loves it outside





Tomorrow is her ABR, tomorrow is the day of decisions, tomorrow is the rest of her life.
I give it all to Him.

another unexpected turn

Quick update...sorry for the absence.

Lennox did not get her implants today. She had an MRI on Thursday, last week, and her otologist (ear doctor) could not make out a connection between the cochlear and the auditory canal. Which is necessary for cochlear implants to work. The auditory canal carries four nerves (two hearing nerves and two facial nerves) to the brain. On Monday we went back in and had a CT scan. I received the results back today. Our otologist can see a connection of the cochlear and the auditory canal on the left. Which has been her better hearing ear. But cannot make a connection on the right side.

Which means what.

Well, if there is not a connection on the right side that means that Lennox is completely deaf on the right side. In the booth test (which is behavioral, meaning we go with what we SEE her responding too) she has responded on the right side. However, this may not be accurate.

Now what.

We are going to have a ABR (auditory brain response) done next Wednesday. This is where they sedate her (her third time in two weeks) and do a test that checks the response of sound from her brain. Meaning, if her brain responds to the right side then there IS a connection between the cochlear and auditory canal. If she does not then that means one of two things. Yes, the MRI and CT scans are correct and she does NOT have the connection and she is completely deaf on the right side. The ABR can only go up to 105 decibels. So if she does not respond it could mean she does have that connection but her hearing is above 105 decibels. In the past and most recent booth test has shown her turning her head to sound on the right side at 90-110 decibels depending on the frequency (how high or low the sound is or pitch) of the sound.

I hope that makes sense. This is a quick update and not very thorough and may not make sense. Please leave comments with any questions and I will answer them as best as I can. I want to update more and plan too. However I am spending time with the Lord right now. I have felt a significant spiritual warfare in my midst and I have literally had to rebuke Satan in the name of the Lord out loud. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. I want to write about that too.

I know that God will use this circumstance to bring glory to Him. I will not and have not lost faith in the One I love more than anything. I love to learn more from God in times of trial. I will rejoice and have hope because hope does not disappoint us, because God poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Could you pray for my daughter? I know the power of prayer and would love to pray for you also. You can email me at sunnymama03@gmail.com or leave a comment on this post.

We also started our homeschooling this week and it is going grand! We are loving it. Oh so much to blog about.....

what happened

First background story:
My audiologist (hearing specialist) is affiliated with a general hospital in our area. Meaning, when procedures are done such as ear tubes, implants, and what not, then it is scheduled at their affiliated hospital.
If you remember from my profile, I work(ed) at a children's hospital in our area. So lets just say I am biased, right? And lets just say, I would prefer a pediatric anesthesiologist if any of my children where to have surgery.
However, since my audiologist is affiliated with the general hospital then the (implant) surgery would be done at that hospital.
Now, our (otologist) surgeon performs (implant) surgeries at both hospitals. However, the blocks of time in the operating room which are given to our surgeon at the children's hospital are for the other audiologist in our town who are affiliated with children's.
Does that make sense?????


Second background story:
I have been praying like a mad woman to God about the future of our daughter. I have given it to Him. I have let go. Asked for His Will in this matter. That I wanted to give it all to Him. I was just waiting for an answer. I prefer for God to give me a, so to speak, "slap in the face" answer. My prayer was for God to make this decision for Lennox. I want cochlear implants for her but does God? Well, my God knows every little detail about me and He obviously knew He needed to give me my "slap in the face" answer.



Rewind to Wednesday,
I received a phone call on Wednesday morning from an "Unknown" number. I answered it. The person on the other line was............my audiologist.
Our conversation went a little like this

Audi: Hey Sunnymama, its Erin, I have some news for you
Me: Ok
Audi: Dr Surgeon had a slot open up at childrens in the OR and he wants to give it to an implant kid for next Wednesday, do you want it?
Me: what????
Audi: Yeah, there are quit a few people who are fighting for the opening and if you want it I will call Dr Surgeon and try to get it for you.
Me: Um yeah, wow, really
Audi: I know it is really soon but I think we can get everything together by Wednesday.
Me: Yeah, REALLY soon but I am so excited. Erin, I have been praying that God would let us go to children's for her surgery.
Erin: Wow, yeah this never happens, well let me call him and see if we can get it.
Me: ok, call me right back
Erin: Oh I will.


10 minuted later....

Phone rings
Audi: Hey Sunnymama, WE GOT IT?
Me: awesome
Audi: So we need to move up our meeting with Dr Surgeon and he wants to meet on Friday morning and you will have to decide which implant company you are going with and we should have everything ready by Wednesday.
Me: Yep, got it, I am so excited!
Audi: Me too

So God moved mountains, he answered my prayers, he let me know she will get implants and it will be done at the hospital that I am a little biased for.

The first person I called was my amazing friend, Ellyn, who has been my sound board and mentor since the day I got Lennox's referral. I love how God places people in your life that help get you through moments in life. And if you know anything about Ellyn (If you don't you are missing out) you know she is a huge advocate for Advanced Bionics. Her son, Seth, is implanted with Advanced Bionics and he is doing amazing with them. So for many more reasons than just Ellyn, we have chosen AB (Advanced Bionics) for Lennox too.

I will let you know more about that in a future post.

Side note: Our original plan was to have our meeting on the 27th and then look at dates for the surgery. Which would have probably been around the end of September. So this is a shock to say the least but I am glad to be riding on God's amazing journey for our life and not my own. Much more thrilling.

....and that is all I can say right now

Exciting exciting new fell into our laps today that only the ONE above could have orchestrated. Believe in the power of prayer, the power of our God who reigns above all, who has a plan for each and everyone of us, who loves us more than any other person could, who has given us eternal life, who knows every thought, every desire, every moment in our lives. Believe, trust, have crazy faith that can move mountains because our God is real, He amazes me, He is awe inspiring, and I love Him more today than ever before!


More to come...

so far today....

Our day so far....

half a cup of coffee, room time for Hutson, cooked oatmeal, Daddy helping Conlan practice Taeke wondo for his test in Thursday, teaching obedience through this wonderful amazing Godly approached book on character, discipling Hutson for disobedience, put a sick sleepy baby down for a nap, placed a warm compress on Hutson's eye for staph, took OJ to a neighbor who just had a baby in the rain with an umbrella while talking about the water cycle with the boys and Gods amazing creation, worked on language arts with Conlan, put two puzzles together, wiped noses at least a dozen times, gave Conlan his medication for wheezing that developed this week, taught Hutson where animals live, danced to our new CD, and the three of them on still dancing....
Me I am taking a breather!

It is only 9:55am


what else is in store for us today??

Wordless Wednesday

2 more and a decision

****We interrupt this regular scheduled program****

Oh never mind there has been a whole lot of nothing for 11 days now. I'm sorry, what was I thinking.

Well after two more booth tests and lots of prayer..... we He has decided that Lennox is getting Cochlear Implants!!!!!!


We are beyond excited for the opportunity that lies, lays, (whichever one it is) ahead for our daughter.


She was retested in the booth without hearing aids, just her own hearing. This last booth test was the best result we have gotten to date. She responded clearly and we were able to test both ears equally. The results where what we had been expected for a while now. She is hearing 90-110 decibels. Meaning she has profound hearing loss. Now, this means that either before she gave us false positives or her hearing is getting worse. We do not know. But her booth test with hearing aids is not even in the banana shape anymore. Her response during therapy is almost none existent. All these combined gave us the information we needed to move forward.

We have lots of "t's" to cross and "i's" to dot before the surgery can actually happen but we pray it is within the next two months.


I hope to have some time to blog soon but wanted to update everyone on that.