grieve and rejoice

Well, as of sometime last night, while I slept like a log tossed and turned, afraid I was going to vomit and be laying on the bathroom floor in agony again, (Yes, for two weeks now I have had unusual spouts of involuntary GI cleansing) (Yes, I have now scooped my poo into many specimens, seen the doctor and have a sonogram scheduled for next week)Lennox was being seen by a US doctor for her visa physical. It really is coming to the point where I can actually see us boarding a big airplane soon, headed west over the pacific ocean towards a world I have never known. A world that will become a part of me for the rest of my life. With bulgogi, hanboks, Dols, Lunar New Years, and a daughter with beautiful almond eyes that disappear when she smiles. A world that I have fallin in love with and will experience first hand for the very first time. A world where my very own daughter was created. A world where a part of me will be left behind. Left because of the sadness I feel inside for taking my daughter away from there. A part of me I will try my hardest to share with my daughter as she learns what adoption really means. My daughter will soon lose everything she has ever known, a world where loss and wonder and questions will fill her inner soul in the years to come. The smells, sight, culture, heritage, tastes of her world, where she came from, where her life was created will be lost, many many miles away. She will begin a new journey, a new world, a new life.

A journey I have been longing to begin for 13 months now. It is almost here. Just a blink away from boarding that plane. Experiencing my daughter's world first hand. In hopes to be able to share with her, her world in which she was created and has lost. It is my duty to capture her world so that she can understand and see and experience where she came from. With pictures, memories, video, items from her world, in hopes to help her as she grieves the loss of her birth mother and father, her country, her culture, her heritage. I hold the accountability to honor my daughter's life in this way.

It is hard to really grasp the impact of what is about to happen. She is about to loose everything she has ever known. So, as I rejoice in her visa physical being completed, she unknowingly is about to embark on a whole new life, taken away from everything is has ever known.

And in that I grieve and rejoice. A feeling inside I have never felt. A feeling that resonates deep in my soul, to the core of my being, that screams to get out. I am about to rip my daughter away, away from everything.

enrichment

I found this video through MckMama's blog that is so God inspiring. She is currently in Kenya with Compassion on a missions trip. Her posts about the trip are just amazing and has enriched my life. God is at work and it is so thrilling to see.

I pray someday God gives me the opportunity to go on a missions trip. I would love to use my medical background and go on a medical/spiritual missions trip. Even take my children.

Sophia is our newest member of our family, a beautiful four year old, living in an aids affected area. She is now being prayed for daily in hopes that with God's love she will be able to eat, go to school, have clean clothes, and grow to know the Lord.

Sponsoring a child is not about me, it is not about be good, doing what is right. It is about what God has done.

Will you listen to the video, visit MckMama's blog, visit Compassion, and sponsor a child?

EA

One more step closer! Lennox made her Embassy Appearance on March 4th!

After Wednesday, only one more step before we get the big call!

I better go pack our bags.

Who am I kidding, I have already started that.

Hehe!

This is the beginning of a good week.

sleepy girl....

This is a BIG reason why I am getting through this wait one day at a time.



These are my first pictures of her sleeping. I love taking pictures of my sleeping children. This is so fun to get some of her sleeping. She even has her bunny that we sent her. I have prayed many times that she would love her bunny and be attached to it. I even bought two of them just in case.



I also love her sleepy face from just waking up.



She is 10 months old now.









Lennox gets her visa physical in a week and praying for travel call a week or two after that. Will you pray too?

Kindness is a virtue

Is it? I really don't know but it sounded good when I thought long and deep about it typed it this one second ago. Whether it is a virtue or not, I intend to nourish my children with kindness and to help their selfish, inward thought provoking, and just down right human nature of sin that my children were blessed with, to think of someone else sometimes. I mean, I pray for more than a sometimes nice gesture of kindness, but I am realistic in my approach to having perfectly well behaved children. So, my heart is set on sometimes and if, God willingly, He gives my children the desire to pour their heart into kindness more often then I will "praise Him in this storm." If you know what I mean.

That realization became, well real, this last week when Conlan came home with two yellows and a red on his behavior card. He is suppose to strive for Greens. He missed the mark by a long shot. But that is besides the point.

Anyways, here is my layout for teaching my children kindness.

First, lets start with forgiveness. We needed a clean slate to begin this journey towards kindness. Conlan and Hutson each took a turn saying to one another, " I am sorry for all the unkind words and things that I have done to you, will you forgive me." Which in part, the other would say, "I forgive you." A hug and a smile at one another and I believe this was the start of a new calmness in our home. I was absolutely amazed at how, just this little statement, made a world of difference in these boys hearts. What a powerful step towards a Godly life for my boys.

Next, as the boys were sitting next to one another, truly loving each other after the power of forgiveness sunk in, I began to explain to them.


kind·ness
   /ˈkaɪndnɪs/ Show Spelled[kahynd-nis] Show IPA
–noun
1.
the state or quality of being kind: kindness to animals.
2.
a kind act; favor: his many kindnesses to me.
3.
kind behavior: I will never forget your kindness.
4.
friendly feeling; liking.

Teaching my children that God calls us to be kind to one another, loving to one another is high on my to do list. But unfortunately I was falling short on getting started. Until now. So, I gave each boy a jar with their names on them. Each jar started with 12 cents ( I don't know where I came up with 12 cents, but just go with it, k) and each time one of them is unkind such as, hitting, saying unkind words, teasing, etc... that child has to give me a penny. At the end of the week, whatever is left from their jar, they get to keep. We have completed our first week of this and Conlan had been so amazing and his heart is definitely in a different place than last week with Hutson. He only had two pennies taken away. Hutson is slowly understanding what that jar represents and he said, " I be kind and get mo pennies thes week." when examining his three pennies left in his jar. At first I was afraid it would be more about the money but it really has not been. As a bonus, I am also teaching them money skills along the way.

Also, I am having Conlan at the end of the week write down " 5 things I did this week to show Kindness" on a piece of paper. Giving him an outlet to really act on being kind and to remember them by writing them down.

Another idea is to have every family member place their name in a hat. Then everyone pulls out a name. Throughout the week you secretively do kind things to that member on the paper. At the end of the week, everyone tries to guess who had their name.

As a mother, I want my family to know we are a team. We work together, learn together, love one another, and accomplish life together. I believe our home is where my children need to learn life lessons and it begins here.

Virtue or not, kindness is key to moral excellence and that is where I am determined to lead my children too.

it continues...

UPDATE: I have no idea what photobucket is upto tonight. The wording under the photos is not my doing.




hiding,

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turning his back

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on me

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when the camera comes out

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but not

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him

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he loves being

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in the

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spot light

excitement crushed

I found out today that Lennox has not had her visa physical yet and it is not scheduled until March 10th. Nothing else can be done until the physical is completed. I am devastated. Every time I think we are close, we get slapped with another hold up. Ugh! So are the days of my life...
Here's to waiting another 4-5 weeks until travel call. I went from thinking I was getting a 9month old baby to praying and wishing we will get her before she turns one. This is so hard and I was doing well until today. I am crushed and I don't feel like I can get through another month of waiting. But I have too and I will. I can do this!